he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
