Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
