I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
