I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
