Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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