I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
