I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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