Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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