We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i can't believe i had my finger in that
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The Olympian is in my bed
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
