i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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