I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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