i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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