I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
