Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I just found a bag of teeth...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
