Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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