I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He passed out mid-signature
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
