how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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