My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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