Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
