i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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