making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
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She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
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There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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