His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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