none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
