Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
