it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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