Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
