Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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