It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
