): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
