She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
