bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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