how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
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I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
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I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
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