I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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