She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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