Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
