accomplished twins. life is a go
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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