Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
