No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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