There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
