the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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