i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
