All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
