wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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