it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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