..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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