i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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