So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize