Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
