I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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