And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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