I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
