im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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