I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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