i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
