you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
