I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
