i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
