Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
