This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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