we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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