Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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