i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I forgot wine drunk hurts
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
