Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
