meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
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