I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
