Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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