Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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