we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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