so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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