You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
