I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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