HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
