4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
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