You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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