so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize