They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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