is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
