I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Found your dick twin last night
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
