so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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