Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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