i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
